A Matter of Self-Worth
by Llttlelie
Summary: Silent nights and starry skies are meant for secret confessions and comforting words. Entry to Meowraculous Chat Noir Zine.


**Okay, this is one little thing I've been working on this days. This is my entry to the Meowraculous Chat Noir Zine, and I'm honored I could participate in such a beautiful project.**

 **Between my job and real life, I've felt I didn't have enough time to write. So I decided to hold off all my works until I could throw a massive update. Your comments and love make my day, and I would have lost my motivation for writing a long time ago.**

* * *

The sunlight was blinding after the battle. His entire body burnt on exhaustion, and his joints protested at every movement he made. Even raising his arm to run his hand through his wild locks hurt. The last Akuma battle had been brutal, and he had become once again the villain's favorite punch bag.

He was so going to regret it in the morning.

Rolling his shoulders, he looked at the skies with a resigned smile. He had messed up once again. Somehow, he had managed to mess up every single plan Ladybug had carefully threaded, making it more difficult to purify the butterfly than usual, winding them out. And then it was when he failed to protect his Lady.

It'd happened too fast. First, he was parrying the Akuma, and in a blink of the eye, the yellow and red villain was striking Ladybug, who was too focused on getting the akumatised object to notice on time. She couldn't avoid it or counter it, so she received the full blow.

Seeing her sprawled on the floor, stunned, and with blood on her lip made him snap. He didn't remember much of what happened next, but when he regained his senses, the Akuma was beaten, sprawled on the floor, and Ladybug was purifying the butterfly. Before the swarm of magical ladybugs could reach to her, though, he saw again the blood dripping from her lower lip, and the beginning of a bruise on her cheek.

He turned around, ashamed of himself. He had _one_ job, and that was to protect his Lady at all costs, and he didn't even manage to do that right. It hadn't been the first time, and, Chat added darkly, he was sure it wouldn't be the last.

"Chat?"

He spun around, startled. Ladybug was looking at him, brows furrowed in concern and head cocked slightly to the side. Her cheeks were rosy again, without a trace of a punch in there, and her lower lip, once bright red because of the blood pouring from it, pursed slightly, as pink and delicate as always.

And then, after minutes of looking at her face, he noticed the fist raised towards him, waiting patiently for her partner to bump it. Hesitant, he raised his own and met her halfway, the bump being so soft that Ladybug almost didn't feel his touch against her knuckles. Her frown deepened at that, and as she opened up her mouth, about to comment on it, her miraculous beeped furiously, showing she had just one minute before her transformation faded. She instinctively brought her hand to her ear, tugging the earring softly.

Chat Noir cleared his throat, smiling at his partner. He hoped his smile wasn't as wonky as he felt it.

"It seems we have run out of time again, huh. Well, I guess it's time to leave." He turned away, dropping his painful smile, and got ready to leap away, when-

"Wait!"

He turned his head, startled. Ladybug was fidgeting in her feet, her hand stretched towards him, as if trying to grab him. She pulled back her hand, and bit her lip in hesitation.

"… Are you free tonight?"

"Yeah, I think so. Why?"

"Meet me at Notre Dame at ten."

Then, with a flicker of her wrist, she threw her yoyo to the skies and secured her grip on one of the nearby lampposts. She skyrocketed towards Paris' rooftops, instantly getting out of sight despite of her bright costume. Being reminded that he didn't have much time left himself, he also fled the scene before more reporters got to him.

After vaulting around the rooftops, he let himself drop into a dark alley seconds before his transformation faded, and Plagg was expelled from his ring, shaking his head dizzily. However, instead of moaning for cheese, as always, he just floated to Adrien's inside pocket and let himself fall inside, not muttering a word.

Adrien looked at his shirt worriedly. "Plagg, are you okay?"

Said kwami popped his head out of the cloth, and glared half-heartedly at him. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"You didn't moan for your cheese as usual."

"You could give me my dear Camembert without me having to moan until exhaustion, couldn't you? Moreover, I'm trying to recover as much energy as possible. You have a date tonight, don't you?"

"It's not a date. I…" He scratched his neck, uncomfortable. "I'm not exactly sure why Ladybug wants to meet up, to be honest. Maybe it's because of today, in order to talk about how many times I messed up today and how I have risked both of our identities. Maybe she wants more time to scold me for my incompetence."

Plagg stared at him with big, droopy green eyes, blinking slowly. "You know Adrien… you are very intelligent, but sometimes you can be really stupid. She won't scold you. She's not like that. Now chin up, give me my cheese and let's go home. You've got a long night ahead of you."

Adrien complied and got out of the alley. His mind, however, couldn't stop repeating the prior fight, highlighting every point where he had screwed up. And, for the first time in his life, he dreaded to meet his Lady.

* * *

Although he'd hoped with all his strength that time slowed down, night came way too soon. The crescent moon illuminated the dark rooftops, shadows dancing with the twinkling of the little number of stars that could be seen in the big city's sky.

Chat Noir made his way to Notre Dame slowly, his heart pounding uncomfortably against his chest, and his guts knotted with nerves. His steps were light against the black tiles of the roofs, and no one saw the leather-cladded superhero heading towards one of the most visited touristic spots of the city.

With acrobatics that probably defied at least some physics' laws, Chat Noir landed silently on the cathedral's roof. The lights of the city of love greeted him back, the characteristic layout of the Eiffel Tower at the background, and there, at the edge of the building, was sitting the girl that had been the main character of his wandering thoughts and daydreaming for months.

However, that time he didn't join her at the edge. He didn't even make his presence known, content to just watching her back, the brightness of her suit dimmed by the low light.

There was something different in how she looked right at that moment. He couldn't really explain how, but right there, where the eyes of the world were focused in everything but her, the moon being the only one looking back, she wasn't Ladybug, protector of Paris, carrier of the miraculous of creation. She was just a girl enjoying the night lights, the girl he had fallen for all this time ago.

Chat Noir felt the knots in his stomach loosening up a bit.

"Beautiful night, isn't it?" Ladybug said without turning back.

"It is."

Ladybug stretched, a soft whining sound slipping past her lips. Once she relaxed again, resting her open palms on the cold stone, she turned her head slightly, just enough to look at him from the corner of her eyes.

"Come here, Chaton. There's enough room for the both of us."

He did as he was told, and he slowly made his way to her side. The view was even more amazing from there, with the city directly underneath them. They were conveniently covered from the public eye by one of the gargoyles, its stone eyes looking directly down. Altogether, it felt like they were in a tiny bubble, and no one could get to them there.

"Whenever I struggle to deal with my double life, I just run around mindlessly. Then, when I've burnt all my pent-up anger, I choose the highest roof in sight and stay there for a while, looking at Paris skyline. It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." She breathed deeply. "I feel so fortunate to be able to enjoy it like I do. Not everyone can say they soar the skies on a daily basis."

He felt the corners of his mouth going up at her comment. It was so easy to ignore everything else, just focusing on her words.

"I don't think _even_ _you_ can say that to anyone else."

She laughed. "Touché."

Silence fell between the two of them, but it wasn't an uncomfortable one. As used as they were to meet in the middle of a fight, where puns and flirting and battle strategies flew between them effortlessly, and there wasn't a minute to sit down, they both appreciated the rare moments of calmness. They were moments where they could slow down, take a breath, and to be reminded of their accomplishments.

"… say, Chaton, what happened to you today?"

He flinched at her question, and his whole body stiffened. He didn't know why, but he felt like he was in the middle of battle, and blows could come from any direction. His mind wandered back to that afternoon, going through the battle yet again, and his jaw clenched.

"I got distracted and the Akuma took me by surprise. It won't happen again."

"Never mind that. I meant at the end of the battle. You weren't moving, and you weren't answering to me. I got worried." She turned to look at him with concern. "Were you wounded? My Miraculous Cure should have healed you… it healed mine at least-"

That got him flinching again, but he hoped she hadn't noticed. However, by the way she was looking at him, concern now tinted with curiosity, he wasn't that lucky. He stayed quiet, failing to come up with something to direct her thoughts elsewhere. Even with his infinite collection of puns and pick-up lines, he didn't know what to say.

She turned around, facing him fully, and she prodded him with her foot, asking him to do the same.

"Chat, look at me."

He didn't.

"Chat, tell me what's wrong. I can't help you if I don't know what's wrong."

"There's nothing wrong."

"Liar. You haven't called me by any of my nicknames. You haven't flirted with me, and have you seen where we're sitting at? At one of the most romantic places of the whole Paris. And you haven't made a single pun since we defeated the Akuma."

"… _you_."

"Huh?"

"Since _you_ defeated the Akuma. I was useless back there."

She frowned. "What are you talking about? You were the one who seized him. If it hadn't been for you we would still be fighting him."

"If it wasn't _for me_?" He turned this time, fuming. "What did I do today, if not messing up every one of your plans? Either I get mind-controlled by the Akuma, don't get there in time or I just get in the way of your plans. I'm totally useless. Even today when you…"

"When I…?"

He lowered his head, and swallowed down the lump in his throat. "When you… I…" He clenched his fists, the feeling of ineptness coming back to him with great force. "The Akuma. I… I failed to stop him. he lunged at you too fast and… I couldn't protect you. I swore to be your shield, and I can't manage to do even that. I'm unworthy of my Miraculous."

Suddenly, he felt soft fingers reaching for his chin and forcing him to look up. Ladybug tugged him closer, holding him at eye-level. He was startled to see anger burning in those deep blue eyes.

"Wha…"

"You listen to me, Chat Noir," she snarled, and adjusted her grip so she was cradling his face with her two hands. "You better stop thinking like this, because all you've said right now is complete rubbish. Every single one of my plans would've fallen apart if it hadn't been for you, whether you were consciously helping or not. You put your life in the line in every single battle, and your dedication to our mission is admirable. I couldn't ask for a better partner."

"But still they hurt you today, and it's my fault."

She rolled her eyes. "I'm no china doll, Chaton. I'm not going to break that easily. So, stop being my shield, and start being my partner! I know you have my back, so let me have yours. You're one of my best friends, and I want to protect you just the same. You're important to me."

"I'm sorry-"

She shook her head. "Don't apologize. Just- stay with me, okay? You're the only one I trust with my life. You're the reason I'm Ladybug."

"But if someone else had gotten the ring before me-"

"Then someone else would be Ladybug too."

"What do you mean?"

She let go of his face, and sighed. "Remember Stoneheart? When people started turning into copies of the Akuma, I thought I had really messed up. I felt useless, just as you're feeling right now. So, I ignored my kwami and removed my Miraculous, determined to give them to my best friend. She's a fanatic of superheroes and has a strong will. She is superhero material, while, beside her, I was pretty normal, too skittish and hesitant. The red costume suited her better."

She turned her head to the side, looking at the city lights wistfully.

"I managed to hide them in her bag, but she got trapped at the second wave of attack. So, I retrieved the earrings, willing to transform just one more time to save her, and then giving them up. But then you came." She turned again to look at him, this time with one of the most beautiful smiles he had ever seen. "You picked me up when I was at my lowest, giving me the confidence to keep going on, despite I was completely terrified. It was only because of you that we managed to defeat Stoneheart. And it's only because of you that I kept on being Ladybug, something that I love. So, thank you. I owe you my life. Paris owes you."

Chat Noir felt the tears prickling at the corner of his eyes. He blinked to cast them away, but only more of them came. His chest was tight, but only relief and happiness filled him. He felt so fortunate to have her by his side.

Two red-cladded arms embraced him, pushing him against Ladybug's body. He buried his head against her shoulder, his tears falling freely now. His arms rested on her back, pushing her even closer. She chuckled softly, and began playing with his wild hair.

"Ah, I hate it when you say you don't deserve to be Chat Noir. I wish I could smack your face every time you think that."

"I spent most of my time as an innocent civilian, my Lady." He smiled against her. If he had looked up, he would have seen her smile gleefully, relieved to be hearing her calling by a nickname again.

"Well, I'd love to smack that face too." He looked up, surprised at her words. She rolled her eyes. "Come on, you think you're the only one curious to know who their partner is out of costume? I've thought about it a million times, even talked about it with Tikki, but both agreed the best option was to stay secret, for our protection." She scoffed. "Although at times like this, I question my judgement back then."

He gaped at her. "You… you want to know who I am?"

"Of course I do! I'm dying of curiosity. Every time I go out I'm looking at my surroundings, wondering where you could be, or if I would recognise you in the crowd. Are you a total stranger, or are you closer than I thought? Which are your hobbies? Your aspirations? I'm dying to know." She sighed. "But we can't, not until Hawk Moth is defeated. At least that's what Tikki says." She grumbled, in an afterthought.

"So, when we kick Hawk Moth's butt, whenever that is… we'll be revealing ourselves?"

She nodded. "I promise." She paused. "Or…"

"Or…?"

"Maybe… if there wasn't any other way… we could reveal ourselves before that. Only if it's the only solution and our partner needs us. I would be fine telling you who I am then."

"Okay."

She blinked. "You're fine with it?"

"I'm ecstatic, if that's what you're asking."

She giggled at that, and he couldn't help but join her. However, the bells of the cathedral tolled soon afterwards, and Ladybug cursed under her breath.

"It's midnight already, and I haven't finished my homework for tomorrow." She groaned. "I'll have to pull out another all-nighter."

"Well, you can tell your teacher you couldn't do your homework because you were busy saving the city. She won't be able to say anything against that."

"I wish I could, Chaton. My life would be much easier."

She disentangled herself from his grip and stood up. She reached for her yoyo and unclasped it from around her hips, giving it an experimental twirl. However, before jumping off the building, she looked down at him.

"Hey, you know you can contact me if you need someone, right?"

"I will." He nodded, smiling at her. She nodded back, satisfied with his answer.

"Well, I'm off. You better go home soon too, Chaton. Think of poor me doing maths homework when you go to bed tonight."

"I can do that. I'm always thinking of you, after all, bugaboo."

She rolled her eyes teasingly, and with a wave of her hand, she jumped off the cathedral, soaring the skies with elegance. Chat Noir watched her go, a soft smile in his lips, until he couldn't see her anymore. Then, he got up, stretched his muscles and followed her example, taking his time to get home. The lights of the city seemed brighter, somehow, and the embrace of the night inviting. He breathed deeply, and exhaled softly.

He was glad to be Chat Noir. And if being Chat Noir meant Ladybug would be by his side, he hoped he was Chat Noir for all his life.


End file.
